AN ISLAND OF SANITY

   At this time there are major events occurring concurrently throughout the world that are affecting all of us to varying degrees. Among many issues the primary ones are: the war in Ukraine and all its ramifications, significant political polarization and corruption; the pandemic and all its impacts and uncertainties; the ticking clock of climate changes with all that is already happening and the potential catastrophic changes; ongoing racial tensions and conflicts. The mixture of all these crises happening at the same time I am experiencing as a kind of worldwide madness. The challenge for all of us is how do we deal with all the powerful feelings that are being evoked, stay sane amidst all of this and help others to stay sane. How do we find an island of sanity amidst the madness? How do we become an island of sanity for others?

FINDING AN ISLAND OF SANITY

   From my perspective it is essential for each of us to have a physical space that we can go to where we can have solitude and relative quiet. The place will vary for each of us depending on what is possible within our life circumstances. For some of us it will be a local nature setting, for others a garden, for others a place in their home, for others a place in their community or .... It is important for our time spent there to be away from distractions such as screens and electronic devices that will bring us news from the outside world. When we are there it is vital to have a way of creating a relatively peaceful, balanced psychological state.  For some of us it will be some form of meditation including active ones like yoga or tai chi. For others it will be through movement like dance or walking. For others it will be through music like playing a guitar. What is salient is to find a pathway that suits each of us individually and to cultivate that quiet inner space on a regular basis.

   These local and worldwide events are evoking both consciously and unconsciously a wide range of very difficult emotions: hopelessness and despair; a diverse spectrum of fears and terrors; sadness from current losses and the projection of future losses; great uncertainty about where this is all going; helplessness and powerlessness. The psychological challenge is to find a way to hold all these feelings and not be overwhelmed by them. I feel grateful to have found a pathway of doing that not only when on my nature walks and within my personal spaces of home and office, but also internally during other times of the day. 

   I have also guided my patients about finding their own pathway of developing an island of sanity. First I encourage them to feel these difficult emotions - not suppress them or push them away. Then I recommend that they think of what would be a countervailing feeling to the powerful emotion and suggest that they cultivate those feeling states. By a countervailing feeling I mean a strong opposite feeling. Then I recommend to them imagining holding both feelings so that they develop the sense that these opposing feelings can coexist in consciousness. I demonstrate this by holding my hands out in front of me in an open and upturned position. I encourage my patients to practice holding their upturned hands out in the same way. "Now imagine a part of yourself, your personal Higher Self," I say, "witnessing your feelings being held." Of course, initially the feelings will be experienced as out of balance weighted in the direction of the difficult emotion - I am purposefully avoiding the use of the word negative. Then I ask my patients to consider this question: What do I do in my life that fuels that difficult feeling? Looking at the other hand I have them ask: How can I cultivate the countervailing feeling to help it to grow?

   I will share my personal experience with the climate change crisis as an example. I have read a lot of the scientific research and predictions about what we need to do to prevent the looming catastrophic changes to all life on our planet. I also witness the increasing political divisiveness and the insufficiency of  the collective will to do what is necessary. I also am aware of the undermining of positive steps by some major corporations and corrupt politicians. Usually a core aspect of my nature is to be optimistic. My wife playfully has named that part of my personality as "Mr Big O". However, because the clock is ticking on the timeline of what we collectively need to do I have a growing feeling of hopelessness bordering on despair. 

  

   On the other hand I am also very aware of the significant number of very positive things  being done all over the globe by individuals, small groups, communities, organizations, businesses and corporations working on this crisis. Intentionally I expose myself to learning more about these important efforts. I consistently seek out this information from alternative sources because the usual media sources RARELY EVER report this positive news. How I create this "island of sanity" within myself is by limiting my exposure to the information that will feed my despair and increasing my exposure to the information that will feed "grounded hope". Grounded hope is a notion that I first heard from the Norwegian climate psychologist and economist Per Espen Stoknes. Grounded hope means hope that is based on many things worldwide that are actually happening to address this issue - not pollyanna-ish fantasy or pie-in-the-sky ideas - and allowing for the possibility that they may combine for a positive outcome. The notion of grounded hope can be utilized for any crisis that is evoking hopelessness. Returning to the image of holding my hands out, in my left hand I am holding the hopelessness/despair and in my right hand I am holding the grounded hope. Sometimes one hand is up and the other down showing me the inner imbalance. If pessimism is high I know that I need to diminish my exposure to news that fuels that emotion and to expose myself to more hopeful news. And vice versa. Seeking inner balance helps me to create an inner island of sanity about this issue.

DAVE

   Dave is a 40 year old carpenter-general contractor with three school age children. He began a recent psychotherapy session saying, "Something just happened today that I need to talk about". Then he described how earlier that day he had received an unexpected e-mail from a client with whom he had been working for months planning a major extension of their home - what he described as an "anchor project" in his work life. This was a second home for this couple and they had - without any earlier mentioning that this might happen - decided to put the project "on hold". Dave told this story with a lot of heavy sighing that had an underneath rumbling quality. He said " I know this is an aspect of my work and I just have to accept it". As we explored the feelings that were being evoked I said,"So something that was very important to you that you were relying on has been suddenly taken from you without warning". I recalled that a similar incident had occurred a few years before and suggested those memories were probably being triggered. It quickly became clear also that the underneath rumbling was anger on the precipice of a well of rage. This episode also was tapping into all the feelings of what the Covid epidemic had taken from him - many of the previously reliable constancies of his family life, particularly his kids not being able to go to school in person for much of the last two years, and how much that has affected his work and family life. I also said,"In addition to the feelings of deprivation and loss of so many previously reliable constancies in your life it is important to acknowledge the feelings of powerlessness that this evokes." One of the hardest feelings - for all of us and especially men in our culture - to acknowledge and allow ourselves to feel is powerlessness. When we use energy to suppress that feeling we become tired or it leaks out in irritability and outbursts of frustration. I told Dave that underneath the rumbling anger is rage  - the rage of powerlessness. Then he revealed that earlier that day after receiving the e-mail he was in his truck with the windows closed pounding on the steering wheel screaming "What the f...!" I encouraged him to consciously acknowledge the rage and release it without bringing it into his home life. "If you don't acknowledge it" I said, "it will leak out and be expressed toward people that you love." From my perspective all over the world this unacknowledged rage of powerlessness is "leaking out", resulting in significant increases in the amounts of domestic violence, inexplicable acts of public violence and suicide.

  

   I also cautioned Dave about prematurely trying to accept that "This is the way it is". Acceptance, I explained, will happen after he allows himself to feel the powerlessness, that essential aspects of life are being taken from him - deprivation - and the sadness of so many losses. On the other hand, I emphasized the importance of finding a pathway of personal empowerment as a countervailing force against the powerlessness. At the end of the session I said "It is essential amidst all of this that you ask yourself where is my empowerment?" 

   The following session Dave reported that he had been allowing himself to experience and release all the difficult feelings - thankfully not towards his wife and children. "And also I have been thinking more about one of the side benefits of Covid" he added. He described how, because of the demands of  his wife's work, he chose to work less and be home more with his kids. This has produced a deeper level of closeness with them and an increase of positive feelings of himself as a father. I said to Dave, "I have witnessed in our work how important the role of being a good father has always been to you and how much you have evolved as a father through all of this. And NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU".  Dave found that, while he may not be able to stop a client from withdrawing from a job,  a major pathway of empowerment for him is to cultivate more and feel rooted in the sense of himself as a good father. 

OTHER DIFFICULT FEELINGS

   Rather than giving detailed examples of working with other big difficult emotions that are being evoked by the current madness, I will describe pathways that I have found personally and professionally helpful. In dealing with sadness it is essential to acknowledge and allow ourselves to feel fully the feelings of losses  - big and small - that we are all feeling during this time. There are individual and collective losses - we are all grieving, some of us unconsciously. The countervailing feeling is gratefulness for all we still have in our lives. Gratitude does not negate or diminish the loss, it coexists with it. It is vital to cultivate the emotional state of gratefulness by consciously expressing to ourselves multiple times each day how grateful we are for the many people and things we still have in our lives.

 

   In dealing with fear it is important to acknowledge our fears and also admit that sometimes the feeling is way beyond fear, it is terror. Perhaps you might be surprised to learn how many people have great difficulty in saying "I am afraid", either admitting it to themselves or giving voice to it with others. A salient thing to know: unacknowledged fear always grows bigger in the shadows of our consciousness. The countervailing emotion to fear is courage. Whatever we do, however small, to take a step to do something of which we are afraid is an act of courage. Whatever we do to cultivate courage, our courage muscle grows and so does our self esteem.

   For the sense of uncertainty, again it is important to acknowledge - which is hard - the amount of uncertainty that exists about our personal and collective futures. It is important to admit: NO ONE KNOWS WHERE ALL OF THIS IS GOING. Because of all the worldwide crises that exist are happening concurrently with all kinds of unknown interactive effects, it is impossible to predict what will happen. Some "experts" purport to know. All of us either consciously or unconsciously project what we think is going to happen. The human tendency to project onto uncertain situations what we think will happen is built into our genetic neurological patterning. Even when we say "I don't know" when asked what we think will happen, at some level of our consciousness we are projecting. It would be valuable to try to connect to what that projection might be. The problem with entering into what I call Projectionland is that we then experience the feelings - consciously or unconsciously - attached to our projections. And almost all of what we project never happens. The best countervailing reaction to uncertainty about the future is to stay focused on the present. What is happening today, right now at this moment? Focus on that , we know what is happening in our lives at this precious moment. Of course that is not easy to do. It is a daily practice to cultivate. We have some empowerment in our lives. We have very little - if any - power to influence what is happening globally.

   In my left hand is the uncertainty of the future, of where these global crises are leading. It is a challenge to acknowledge and allow ourselves to feel that unknowingness. In my right hand is what I am doing today in my personal life. Is there something I can do today to contribute to a positive outcome of these major crises? Interestingly this blog evolved as an answer that query. At least I might be able to help people deal with all of this.

BEING AN ISLAND OF SANITY

   Once we have done the psychospiritual work to create an island of sanity for ourselves we can then decide whether to try to be that for other people. The need is great. Whether or not they are consciously aware of the need most people need someone who is willing to step into the role of trying to be a compassionate sane presence amidst the current collective madness.

   In this role it is important to be a compassionate open hearted, open minded presence. Whenever we are in the psychological energy field of someone who is expressing these strong feelings it is essential to be a respectful listener who knows that what you are hearing is probably multi-layered and has a history that you are not aware of. In our current culture it is a rare experience for someone to be heard from that level of presence. By being with people in this way we are offering ourselves to be that island of sanity and are creating an emotional atmosphere in which the other person might be receptive to some deeper conversation about countervailing feelings that could be cultivated in order to develop some sense of inner balance. For some of us, because of our work as a psychotherapists, nurses, counselors, ministers, lawyers...  many opportunities will be presented to us to be an island of sanity. For others of us in the normal course of life, our everyday interactions will offer opportunities.

   Recently I was talking to my friend Alex who manages a local laundromat. He was reporting how in the last two years there has been a significant increase in the number of situations wherein customers erupt with a lot of frustration when the machines aren't working. Others enter the place clearly in a highly stressed state. For Alex - a sensitive soul who has done a lot of personal psychospiritual work- the energy of their stress is palpable. As an example, he talked about an incident that occurred the day before when a customer became very agitated by some problem with a dryer. Alex responded in the way I discussed earlier in this section of the blog and described how the man left the laundromat in a more quieted-down state. I said to Alex that he was being an island of sanity. He was pleased about that notion and my further comment that his work provides many opportunities to be of service in that way.

   Another friend Paul drives a truck that delivers fuel oil. This work has allowed Paul to develop his real passion - a small organic farm. He is the oldest person working for this company. As one aspect of his nature he loves having conversations with people who have different perspectives from his own. At work he regularly hears sexist, racist, politically divisive and conspiracy theory comments. Paul is also aware that there usually are deeper emotional reasons why people hold the opinions and feelings they express. From his compassionate perspective he is attuned to possible moments wherein he can engage others one on one. In this way he can be an elder who offers himself as an alternative presence in their lives. Whenever we have discussed these work scenarios Paul too has appreciated my notion of him being an island of sanity. I also commented that this way of being was an expression of his authentic self and provides for him another source of meaning and purpose in his life.

   At this time of multiple global crises my experience is that people are yearning - some consciously and others unconsciously -  for someone to be a compassionate emotionally balanced presence in their lives. For me that role provides a pathway of some empowerment - something I can do - when so much of what is occurring makes me feel powerless.

   

   

THE SPECTRUM OF WOW

It is especially important during these times to pay attention to moments of awe. Whenever they occur I encourage you to pause for at least a few more seconds and take them in more deeply. There are daily moments of small WOWS, periodic moments of medium WOWS and occasional moments of BIG WOWS!! I refer to them as the "spectrum of WOW".

These experiences of awe are always salient and yet we tend to quickly move on from them. During this very difficult period of many losses and great uncertainty about the future these WOW moments are especially significant because they uplift our Souls, can recharge our tired batteries, ground us and are beacons of hope in the darkness.

SMALL WOWS

Just as we were beginning our first session outside after months of phone sessions a patient encouraged me to look above and behind me. We both paused and witnessed droplets of overnight rain on pine needles bathing in the morning light. It was a moment of shared WOW.

Sitting on the back porch of the home of another patient who has early onset dementia - phone sessions did not work with him - we both smiled at the WOW of the rumbles of thunder in the sky above his field of grass. We talked about our shared love of thunder and lightning, liking the power of nature and edginess of those moments. Periodically during this session the thunder returned. Each time we paused and enjoyed the WOWS of that moment. Even within the issues created by "his condition" he could savor these moments - even more so there are so many things he cannot do. For each of us there are so many small moments of potential awe in each day. A hummingbird hovering over a flower, a small child running into a parent or grandparents arms, a moving piece of music, a good play/shot in sports, a moment of witnessing beauty, the initial bite of ice cream on a hot day.... So many. It's important to notice and take them in. They can lift our spirits when the cumulative effect of what is happening is weighing us down.

MEDIUM WOWS

Amidst the fear, pain, losses and diviseness of these times we are all witnessing or hear about many individual acts of loving kindness and everyday heroism. They touch our hearts deeply and remind us of what we are capable of - our innate ability to rise above our personal concerns and help others who are in need. WOW. So many stories. So inspiring and hopeful. Sometimes a current experience can remind us of an earlier WOW.

Last week I was listening to a jazz CD and it reminded me of an experience at the Newport Jazz Festival a few years ago. I was at the Festival with two of my sons (Mark and Scott) and each of the had brought one of their children(10 year old Thomas and 6 year old Noelle). It rained all day. Walking from one venue to another - even though the gig was under a huge tent - you could get drenched. I was sitting under a tent dry and unable to save any seats when Noelle and her dad arrived very wet and stood in the nearby aisle. Thomas and his dad were also soaked and stood in the aisle on the other side of me. At that moment a man got up and offered Thomas his seat. Thomas then beckoned for Noelle to sit on his lap. Then the woman next to them offered Noelle a towel and helped to dry her. Shortly after that Jon Batiste was on stage and said, "For the next song I would ask you to close your eyes and think of it as a meditation". Then he sang,"What a Wonderful World" in the style that his hero Louis Armstrong sang it. I became tearful and on the second chorus I began weeping. I had just witnessed a few minutes before these simple moments of human kindness. My heart became full again as I remembered it. During this time when other ways of being together feel unsafe and usual sources of entertainment are closed many people are taking walks in natural settings. This offers opportunities for WOWS - if we are open to them. If you are walking by yourself periodically take a few minuttes to stop and close your eyes. If you are with someone you can do this together. Listen to the sounds, smell the aromas, touch what is next to you. Opening to your other senses will help you to be more present and less focused on your thoughts. This will gradually open your consciousness to more WOWS. The whole walk can be an individual or shared sense of awe.

BIG WOWS

Periodically there are moments with our spouse/partner/lover when we look at them with BIG LOVE - a feeling different from our ordinary everyday love. Its as if the essence of their being - their soul - is just shining brightly and our souls are open and vulnerable too. We are just being there with our beloved. In AWE of his/her Beauty. A similar thing happens with our children or grandchildren. There are special instances when the jewel of their personhood is so clear. We are totally present and witnessing her/his essential nature. BIG WOWS!

When we witness a special sunset, a huge rainbow, an ancient redwood a .... It is so important in these unique moments in nature to resist the impulse to quickly take out our cameras and try to capture the uncapturable. Instead I encourage you to just to be with the bigness of the moment. To take in more deeply the awesomeness of a rare experience. It will help us to deepen our connection to the natural world to realize that we are part of - not outside of - nature. Periodically we are moved deeply by a piece of music or art or a dance performance or some other of the myriad forms of artistic expression. "Something" of the Beauty of it is touching our souls and hearts in a way that is unique to the moment. We are being lifted up and out of the ordinary into the extraordinary.

Again it is so important to allow ourselves to be transported into some other realm of experiencing. These WOWS are important at any time, but are especially vital at this time when our souls yearn to be lifted up, to push away the emotional weight of these heavy times and for a while to be free. If we are going to be able to sustain ourselves during these times all of our moments of WOW - big and small - are essential not extra.

Recently I had an experience of BIG WOW. I live in a small home on two and a half acres surrounded by large pine trees. On this afternoon I was sitting on a wooden bench alongside a brook that runs through our property about twenty feet from the back of our home. As I was about to take the first bite of my luncheon sandwich I looked to my left and there was a young buck with small antlers about thirty feet away just browsing on some vegetation. He looked at me, I looked at him. As I was looking, inside my mind I said to him"Be not afraid of me, I will not harm you". He continued to munch away periodically looking up to glance at me as I ate my sandwich. Then after about five or ten minutes he moved about ten feet closer, looked at me and looking at him again I said internslly"Be not afraid of me". We both continued to munch on our food. Then I said to myself "We are having lunch together". After several more minutes another same sized young buck appeared! He came even closer to me and they both browsed for a while. Perhaps they were buddies. After a few more minutes the first one slowly wandered up the hill behind our home continuing to enjoy his food. His friend gradually followed him except he walked up on the stone pathway that my wife and I had built years before so that we could walk up to a meditation spot on the top of the hill. In no hurry, clearly enjoying what was on the menu on our property, they both slowly drifted over the hill. This was one of the biggest nature WOWS of my life!!!

The busyness of our ordinary lives coupled with the significant extra stresses of trying to navigate these extra-ordinary times are very draining. The psychological impact is cumulative and will continue to build as we live with so much ongoing uncertainty about where this is all going. These moments of small, medium and big WOWS will uplift our spirits and help recharge our batteries to sustain us. The WOWS also connect us to other aspects of our individual consciousness that transcend and coexist with our ordinary consciousnesds. If we open to the moments of AWE they can help us to deepen our connection to other aspects of our own being, to the consciousness of others and to other realms of larger interconnectedness. We need all of that during these times.

I AM AN OLD MAN

I am an old man. At 77 to say that first to myself and then to say it publicly to family, friends and patients feels liberating.It involves accepting that certain physical and cognitive diminishments have occurred and will continue to occur - they are not temporary. Internally it involves letting go of self-expectations that fit for an earlier time of life. What my body used to be able to do it can no longer do at the same level. What I used to be able to do cognitively I can no longer do to the same level. And every six months I am aware of further diminishments. By accepting that and gradually letting go of those inner "measuring sticks" I feel freer. Instead of feeling diminished by what I can no longer do I am saying to myself those inner measuring sticks do not fit for this time of life. They do not define who I nam. I am still Bill Ryan. Indeed the opposite is true. I feel lighter,that my soul energy is freer to be out in the world as I am at this time of life - less weighted down by internal and external expectations of what I should be able to do.
One morning while having coffee with my wife Jeanne we were discussing this issue of aging and from within me arose a question,"Is it simply enough to be a loving human being?" That is a profound existential question. My immediate answer was,"Yes,of course, that is the most important thing of all" Whatever physical and cognitive diminishments I continue to experience I can still be a loving human being with everyone in my life. Of course also that is counter-cultural. Our culture focuses on productivity, what we do as a measurement of a person and that acculturation is a significant contributor to my internalized self-expectations. I will be holding that question in my consciousness for a long time,"Is it simply enough to be a loving human being?"
ELDER
I feel that by saying that I am an old man I am doing something counter-cultural. I am not embarrassed/ashamed of being an old man. I am not spending time, energy, money on activities or products that will keep me feeling or looking young. Nor am I accepting some cultural image of an old man - weak, decrepit, useless.... From my perspective that image is a kind of bogeyman figure that lurks in the shadows of my consciousness. I am confronting that bogeyman and saying,"I am not you. I am an Elder." I am stepping into that status and claiming the respect that an Elder deserves. I have valuable life experience, accomplishments, contributions that have made the lives of others better. Our culture does not sanction that status of Elder so it needs to be claimed, not in an inflated egotistical way, but by my presence, how I carry myself in the world.
This past summer my oldest son Mark and I were at the Newport Jazz Festival. Jazz is the music I am most passionate about. Every year since I turned 60 when Mark and my other son Scott treated me to that special event,some combination of sons, stepsons, grandchildren go to Newport. The festival has four stages and no assigned seats. One of the protocols of the event is that between acts you can put a marker on a seat for a while so that you can go to the bathroom,get some food,buy some CDs. When we returned from the bathroom, Mark and I found a man and his woman companion sitting in our seats and saw our bags on the ground. Mark said,"You are in our seats" They did not move and said "Here are your bags". That was a disrespect of the mores of the event. I became angry saying,"I am 77 years old and I got up to pee and you took my seat". They did not move. I became enraged, saying again more strongly,I am 77 years old and you are taking my seat". People around them were suggesting that they move honoring my age. They did not move. I became more insistent saying. "I am 77 years old and if you don't move I will sit on top of you. And I meant it. I repeated it even more strongly. At that point Mark went to get a security person who insisted that they respect my age and leave the seats. They did.
This was a moment when my age was disrespected and I demanded respect. In other situations it is also very important for me to accept gracefully respect for my Elder stars when offered. Some one offers a seat on the subway or bus, holds a door for me, suggests that I go ahead of them on line, or calls me "sir". In years past I may have bristled at being called "sir" or said,"Thanks,but I'm OK" to the offer of a seat. As I more accept my old man status I now perceive those moments as an important exchange. If I say no I am rejecting their offer of respect. Perhaps that will discourage them from honoring some other old man or woman. It is important to remember that others are witnessing these exchanges. It is an opportunity to model what should be happening more in our culture. The modeling also occurs with my peers. A few years ago when a friend turned 70 he said,"You are five years older than me. I think of you as a scout. Periodically give me a report of what's up ahead". I share with him and others about being an old man including the struggles, the sense of liberation and the importance of expecting respect and receiving it when offered.
A LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BODY
My relationship with my aging body is becoming more and more loving. When I look at my naked body in the mirror after showering I say,"I love you. Thank you for giving me the gift of another day and thank you for carrying me so well for so long. Please forgive me for the periods of time I did not treat you well or was angry with you". This morning ritual has been quite impactful. I no longer feel any vestige of an earlier adversarial interaction wherein I wanted my body to be other than what it was. This was particularly true in the years after an aggressive lymphoma took 30 pounds from my lean frame. Now I am more mindful of what I put into my body and more cautious of taking physical risks that might harm it or pushing it to do more.. This loving attitude also feels counter-cultural. I am not feeding the stereotypes of an old man who has a litany of physical complaints or is trying to look/act like a young man.
GOING WITH THE FLOW
Several times a day I say to myself,"Go with he flow". Whenever I stand by the brook behind my home or by some other moving body of water I ask,"Teach me about flow". Frequently I ask my Higher Self,"Help me to go with the flow". That mantra feels very helpful in dealing with my aging process. Physically I move slower and with more joint stiffness, my stamina and strength are diminished. Cognitively my memory is diminishing, my ability to access words and ideas is unreliable, I substitute words often without awareness. Every few months I notice more of these happening. And others. These are not temporary changes - they are flowing in one direction. I am not going to wake up one morning and those changes will have stopped or reversed. "Going with the flow" helps me to accept - not minimize or deny - nor rant against them. If I accept the notion that I am an old man whose remaining time on the planet is limited it makes more psychospiritual sense to go with what life is presenting rather than attempt to impose my will. Instead I feel more open to what is happening and could happen - if I stay open - in each day. It is not easy to do this,but when I am able to it feels liberating.
DEATH
With a more frequent private and public acknowledgement that I am an old man and a greater acceptance of that state comes a greater awareness of my death. And a greater sense of preparing for it. When I am finishing a walk to one of my favorite nature places increasingly the thought enters my consciousness,"This might be the last time I come here". At the end of the Newport Jazz Festival this year I said to myself,"This may be the last one for me". Sometimes when I leave my beloved home I look wistfully as if I am saying,"Good-bye". I think more often of Jeanne being a widow. There is a sadness that comes with the thought of saying good-bye to my beloved companion. And a sadness that comes with the image of her being in our home without her beloved companion. Always with that sadness comes an ever deepening awareness that the number of our moments together is lessening. Although there is a sadness as I project into the future, being mindful of this does not feel depressing. Instead it motivates me to be more present to the preciousness of our time together. It also increase my gratefulness for our relationship - the richness of the life we have lived and continue to live. The same holds true for my time with my children,grandchildren, friends and patients.
THE OLD ONE
My relationship with "the Old One" is becoming more personal and more central to my everyday life. The Old One is my current name for the unnameable, formless eternal consciousness that many years ago I used to call God. I was raised as a Catholic and was so immersed in that theological perspective that for two years I studied to be a priest. My spirituality has evolved from that worldview to a pathway wherein theological and cosmological perspectives are totally unimportant to me. What is essential is the personal, the ever deepening desire to have a more intimate relationship with the "Old One". Because I cannot possibly have an intimate relationship with an abstract concept I use the sun as my symbolic image of "the Old One". I use the image of the sun because of its presence even when we cannot see it, because it is essential to all life, because it has existed for and will continue to exist for millions of years.... When I step outside I say "Good morning Old One" or "Hello there good to see you again old friend" or "Thanks for life in all its forms and aspects including the difficult and painful". And many more. Of course there never is any response. Yet I feel something essential is deepening in my life. My life feels enriched by opening my heart and soul in this way. I also feel that I am preparing for some larger experience after my death. Of course I am also aware that the notion of the existence of some transcendent consciousness whatever I name it could be a complete delusion. I accept that possibility.
To end on a light note I want to share a story of myself and my eight year old granddaughter Sydney. This summer for the first time she was staying with Jeanne and I for four days by herself. Her older brother Thomas was in camp and her parents were taking a much-needed mini-vacation. During the visit periodically I would say,"Syd, I am an old man and I walk slower"; "Syd I am an old man and I have to rest more when I go up this hill"; "Syd I am an old man and my memory is not that good". After a while she started to say,"Come on old man we're going for a walk"; "OK old man are you ready to play a game together?" And other comments using "old man". I loved every time she did that.

THE PSYCHOLOGY OF CLIMATE CHANGE COMMUNICATIONS

Our clients are anxious about climate change and how it is already and will continue to impact on their lives, the lives of their families and communities, and of the non-human beings who are our companions on the planet. They need our compassionate presence to be able to express the full spectrum of their feelings and receive guidance from us about what they can do to feel empowered and counteract the feelings of helplessness. We can also be a resource to environmental organizations that we are involved with in how to be more effective in communicating their messages about this major issue.
80% of media articles on climate change use the disaster framework emphasizing impending doom with great losses and catastrophic costs. According to Per Espen Stoknes, a Norwegian psychologist who has extensively researched the psychological effects of climate change communication, this approach unintentionally has the opposite effect of what they are trying to accomplish. Instead of generating action and collective will it evokes subconscious defensive resistance. He explains why this message evokes inner barriers to change. Per Espen Stoknes encourages us to be respectful of these subconscious responses and also offers us a number of communication strategies that can be more effective in either circumventing or bypassing these understandable human defenses.
THE WHY
If we humans were simply rational beings, when presented with scientific facts about global warming, we would simply act to make the necessary changes. However, we are also emotional and socially interactive beings. When climate messages are frightening, overwhelming, apocalyptic and induce guilt, hopelessness and powerlessness they evoke inner,often subconscious resistance. These messages engage our egos to do one of its primary jobs - to protect us from threats to our security and sense of who we are - by activating defense mechanisms. We are also socially interactive beings whose thoughts, feelings and behaviors are significantly influenced by what our friends, families, neighbors and groups with which we are identified, think and do. If a climate change message tells me to change my opinions and behaviors relative to the people I'm close to and upon whose high regard I depend(or my livelihood) then my daily life suffers potentially extremely unpleasant circumstance, from shunning to unemployment.
DISTANCING
Climate issues are usually presented in the media as distant from us: in time(2050), in space(Arctic, Antartica, South Pacific Islands) and to non-local creatures(polar bears) using abstract numbers like carbon targets. This is contrary to how we are wired through evolution which emphasizes threats that are here,immediate,spectacular with a clear enemy. This distancing can enable us to react that it is not happening now, to me or people that I care about.
DOOM
Climate messages are usually framed as an encroaching looming disaster with lots of losses,great costs and requiring us to make significant sacrifices in our lifestyle. These messages are subconsciously shaming, perhaps experienced by many people as a sermon in which we are ecological sinners - because of our high carbon footprint - who should repent(make great changes in our lifestyle) or the Apocalypse will happen. These messages produce fear, helplessness, despair and guilt. We then, as a self-protective, usually subconscious, reaction resist and internally split off these feelings(denial) so we don't feel them and then continue doing what we do.
DISSONANCE
If the scientific facts conflict cognitively with what we do or with what the people who are important to us think or do, the information creates inner tension. Then the mechanism of cognitive dissonance sets in. If we downplay or doubt the facts or dismiss them because of who the messenger is, then we can eliminate the tension and feel better about ourselves.
IDENTITY
Each of us have a significant attachment to our worldview(how we see ourselves and the world around us). We look for information that confirms our existing values or personal,professional or cultural identity. Because of this, if new information is internally experienced as a challenge to our identity, at some level of consciousness - usually subconscious - it produces anxiety and feelings of vulnerability. We will defend our identity against those threats that embody the message that we need to change who we are.
ALTERNATIVE APPROACHES
One of the most fundamental axioms of psychotherapy is to accept people where they are. So it is essential that we be very respectful of people's defenses and their resistance to change. Of course it does not make rational sense that people do not simply accept the overwhelming scientific evidence about climate change and take action. But it does make emotional sense if we consider everything that was presented in the previous paragraphs. It is essential that we let go of any tendency to be judgmental of others and avoid the common pattern of hammering people with more facts. That simply increases the defensive resistance and makes us a threat.
One more effective pathway to communicate messages regarding climate change is to honor the human tendency to imitate, cooperate with and be influenced by friends and neighbors by using messages that describe what positive things others are doing locally. We can support the identity issue by describing what people who have similar values to them are doing. Many people are not aware - because the media does not promulgate these stories - that large numbers of people in their identity group are already making changes. For example, Catholics and other Christians(including evangelicals) are increasingly embracing the stewardship ethic(take care of creation) and moving away from the dominion model(use nature for human purposes). Churches are looking at energy usage in their buildings, their investments in fossil fuel companies: ministers and priests are incorporating climate messages in their sermons. Many people who are passionate about defense and national security issues and about veterans are not aware that the Pentagon has been already working for several years on climate change solutions that affect the military.
To counteract the common messages that focus on that it is each of our individual responsibility to do something(with the accompanying sense of being overwhelmed and alone) we can present it as an opportunity to be part of a social movement. According to Paul Hawken there are hundreds of thousands - perhaps millions - of groups worldwide that are working on environmental and social justice issues. In order for them to feel empowered we can encourage our clients to find the organization that fits for them. Our individual contributions then become part of a movement of movements.
POSITIVE REFRAMING
In contrast to the 80% of negative news stories it is important for us to reframe the narrative. Instead of focusing on devastating pollution, reframe to improving air quality as a way of caring for the health and safety of our families and the environment. Instead of uncertainty regarding an apocalyptic future we can reframe it to doing things that are acts of prevention, preparedness and reducing future risk. Instead of emphasizing the need for everyone to make sacrifices, reframe it as an opportunity for communities and businesses to become more efficient in energy use, competitive with other cities and companies and develop better more fulfilling jobs with a living wage. As one example, the Tea Party is starting to embrace solar energy because it is a way to free people from the reliance on utility monopolies. The reframe is FREE MARKET ENERGY.
THE POWER OF STORIES
Humans will respond to stories more than abstract numbers like carbon targets. We respond to compelling narratives that capture our attention, help us to imagine a future and inspire us to be part of a movement that is trying to make change happen. In contrast to the powerful archetypal apocalyptic climate story that is usually presented we need a plurality of other positive stories each potentially creating a level of engagement for different groups of people.
GREEN GROWTH NARRATIVE
We can grow an economy that is SMARTER - increases efficiency, cuts energy costs, is less wasteful of precious resources, improves water quality and creates fulfilling jobs. For example, solar power already employs more people than oil and coal combined. And is growing. One reframe that resonates with many people is,"Brown growth was the 20th century. Green growth is the 21st century."
WELL-BEING NARRATIVE
Envision a future where people have a greater sense of life satisfaction and well-being(tools for measuring these aspects are now available to either replace or augment GDP). Imagine a future with forests restored, soil replenished, ecological imprint diminished, with more efficient buildings designed with care for people who live and work in them, workers having a living wage.
STEWARDSHIP NARRITIVE
Imagine religious groups replacing the human domination of creation story with the human stewardship of creation story. This shift is already happening with a wide spectrum of religious groups. And growing. Encourage religious people to be part of the movement making this moral shift in a more caring direction.
REWILDING NARRATIVE
This narrative tells the story of our feeling of love and awe for the beauty and wonder of nature, of our heartfelt and soulful connection to the places we live and to the non-human beings who are our neighbors. We want to protect diversity and to bring back the other creatures. Instead of working against nature we want to team up with nature and make it possible for her to do her restorative work.
A WAY-OF-BEING
Stoknes also points a pathway of a way-of-being during this time. He describes it for himself as "Grounded Hope". One aspect of this way-of-being is to acknowledge - not deny - and allow oneself to feel the Great Grief of the losses of habitat,species,diversity,beauty... To acknowledge that it might be hopeless to change. To feel the Eco-Anxiety evoked by knowing that the place we live,the place we love - our home - is under attack. To acknowledge and feel the anger/rage that this is happening. By acknowledging our feelings we counteract the psychological resistance and free up energy. It takes psychological energy to block these feelings.
The other aspect of this way-of-being is for each of us to increase our awareness of our connection to the non-human world and to deepen it. We are not separate from nature(the environment is not outside of us) we are immersed in nature. It permeates and envelops us. We are in and part of nature. We can increase our love for and expand our open-heartedness to the non human world. We can relate to the other non-human beings as part of our beloved community. We can become open to the possibility that they are reaching out to us, trying to communicate to us, trying to work with us. This deepening of our connection to the natural world can be concurrent with and co-exist with all the feelings that the crisis evokes.


Most of the ideas presented in this blog are extrapolated from "What We Think About When We are Trying Not To Think About Global Warming" by Per Espen Stoknes

AGING AND STILL GROWING

I am 76 years old and still growing psychologically and as a psychotherapist. Many of my patients are in their 60's and 70's and are also still experiencing themselves as growing psychologically. Including some who are experiencing profound shifts in their way-of-being-in-the-world. I and my patients also do acknowledge the physical and cognitive changes of the aging process and the full spectrum of feelings that those changes evoke. And. We feel more open to the potential for continuing to grow psychologically and spiritually until we die.
One day, a year and a half ago I was in robust health. Suddenly - without any warning - within six hours I was riding in an ambulance heading for the emergency room where I was diagnosed with pneumonia and septic shock. If my wife Jeanne had arrived home an hour later - which would have been her usual time - she probably would have found her beloved husband dead. Before this episode I was already very conscious of my aging process. Yet, this sudden physical and psychological trauma still is affecting me every day. I have become even more acutely aware of the preciousness of every day of life. I have become more conscious of how certain behavior patterns and ego attachments to some ways-of-being-in-the-world have blocked me from being more open to the flow of life. I have become more open to the flow of love between myself and others including my patients. My life is feeling fuller and richer.
One of my patients started psychotherapy at 87 at the insistence of his girlfriend who stated that their relationship would end unless he addressed his anger issues. In the initial sessions he was able to acknowledge that his lifelong pattern of explosions of anger had been so destructive to all his relationships. In subsequent sessions he was to look at his tendency toward self-sabotage that had blocked him from being more successful and really enjoying the many accomplishments of his life. As our work progressed he was able to internalize my repeated reminder, "time is running out" and has worked hard to make changes. Now at 89 his frequent refrain is "I am a lucky man." This expresses his deep appreciation for the richness of his life - the people who love him, the accomplishments (which are still happening) and his own personhood. His relationship is thriving.
Another patient, who had initiated therapy at 68 because of anxiety, was, after a year in therapy, diagnosed with early onset dementia. Because of the dementia he became unable to work and to perform many of the fix-it chores around his home. These had been his primary ways of defining himself. Initially these losses increased his anxiety, made him feel useless and diminished his already low self-worth. Gradually, as he increasingly accepted his "condition" - his Buddhist meditation practice was very helpful in that process - I and his wife witnessed significant psychological and spiritual growth. In contrast to before, when his demeanor was more serious and guarded, he seemed "softer" with a sense of lightness of being. He became more able to feel that his wife loved him for who he was not for what he did for her or their home. He trusted more the solid foundation of their love built through all the struggles they had weathered together. As they reflected upon these changes, both of them felt that somehow the memory loss and cognitive diminishments of dementia were helping the process of letting go of old ways of viewing himself and others and creating a more flexible way of being.
Another patient had initiated therapy because of the psychospiritual crisis evoked by becoming 70. Several of his close friends had recently died. Several weeks before our first session, two of his other friends had been diagnosed with early onset dementia. Early in our therapy he realized that although he had been in therapy twice before some core issues had not changed in any significant way. He wanted to delve more deeply. I have witnessed this phenomenon repeatedly with my aging patients especially when they connect to the phrase "time is running out." He was amazed when I said that I experienced him as a "very sensitive soul" and that he had probably been that way all his life. It became clear that he was still experiencing life through the lens of a very sensitive boy who grew up in the everyday atmosphere of the complex trauma of a highly dysfunctional family. It was especially helpful when I labelled that part of himself as "Little Paulie" who was very fearful and still filled with family shame. We then used the name "Big Paul" for the adult part of himself that was witnessing with compassion "Little Paulie" and protectively encouraging him to grow up. "Big Paul" conveyed the attitude, "It's safe now. I'm here for you. You're not alone anymore." He was profoundly grateful that with a lot of hard work both during and between sessions he was gradually able - even at 70 - to significantly shift his perspective on life and himself.
I feel moved to tell these stories about myself and my patients because they are hopeful and are counter to our cultural narrative. Our cultural stereotype is that old people sit around talking about their litany of body pains and aches, their cognitive and memory losses and the deaths of their friends. There is a partial truth in that stereotype. When I gather with friends those issues are often brought up first. However, someone usually changes that narrative. When one of my friends asks me "How are you?" my usual response is some version of "A year and a half ago I almost died suddenly. Because of that I am more aware of the preciousness of every day and I am grateful for and more open to the richness of my life."
As psychotherapists and counsellors we can help change the inner narratives of our aging patients/clients and the cultural narrative about the aging process. Yes, it is important for us and our clients to be able to acknowledge the full spectrum of feelings evoked by all the losses. And. It is also essential to look at and be open to the ongoing opportunity for more psychospiritual growth. Perhaps it will be helpful for your clients to internalize the mantra "time is running out" not with a sense of fear and dread, but with a sense of deep awareness of the preciousness of each day. A question for each of us to be asking is, "If my time is limited what do I want to do with it, who do I want to share it with, and how do I want to be with these people?" This means looking at how we may be blocking deeper intimacy with the people in our lives. This means looking at how some old ways-of-being-in-the world, ways of viewing myself and others that may no longer be useful in this stage of life. This means looking at whether my thought processes are too focused on projecting into the future and upon the losses, that I am missing out on the present moments of everyday life. These are the questions we can help our aging clients to address.

OUR NATURE PLACES AND CLIMATE CHANGE

My contemplative walks in the woods and to a local pond are essential to my taking care of myself. My work as a psychotherapist, which requires deep compassionate listening and my being in the energy field of so much pain and suffering, can sometimes be very depleting. These twice a week walks enable me to recharge my psychological batteries. I have recommended this practice in other blogs(e.g. Recharging). From the feedback that I've received that suggestion has been helpful. These sojourns into nature also create a psycho-spiritual space of openness and receptivity wherein I connect to: God, to my personal Higher Self, to other realms of consciousness and to the non-human beings who live in those nature places. As a result of many years of these walks I have developed a deep love and attachment to these places. They have become sanctuaries for me.

THE EFFECTS OF CLIMATE CHANGE
I live in a small town in western Massachusetts so I have not yet experienced some of the catastrophic effects of climate change that have occurred in other parts of the world. What I have witnessed have been more subtle, but I can project over the next decade(s).

► What will happen to our beloved forests and to the creatures that live in them that are genetically
adapted to New England winters?
► What will happen as there is much less snow to those families that rely on the income generated by
those who enjoy winter activities?
► What health issues will be produced by the rising horde of disease-bearing ticks and increased air pollution?
At 76 I do not expect to witness these more severe effects. But the younger members of my community will.
And my sons and their families who live in New York, New Jersey, Maine and New Hampshire will.
► What will they experience?
► What will the impact be over the next few decades upon other people all over the world and upon
the non-human beings who are our companions on this planet?
► What changes have you observed in your beloved local nature places? What do you project will happen
there in the next few decades?
► What about the places where your children and grandchildren live?
► What about friends,family members and colleagues?

From my perspective it is important that the words "climate change" not be an abstract notion. By personalizing it and focusing on what we are witnessing now locally and projecting it forward we will connect more deeply with our feelings. Sadness. Fear/terror. Anger/rage. Powerlessness. Hopelessness. Of course, these feelings are difficult to hold and to be more conscious of. For me what has arisen more strongly alongside these feelings is a greater need to DO SOMETHING and
to be part of a group of people who are trying to DO SOMETHING.

For years before this I have contributed money to environmental organizations, invested in companies working on these issues, gone to protests etc. But this feels different - for me it is activating an intention to devote time and energy to be part of a collective effort towards a solution.

What "solution" I have chosen is to be involved in my local chapter of a national and international organization called Citizens Climate Lobby. Citizens Climate Lobby is focused on passing the legislative solution that climate scientists and economists of both political parties agree is the best legislative first step to reduce greenhouse gasses and the likelihood of catastrophic climate change - carbon fee and dividend. Simply, a fee is charged to the fossil fuel company at the point of origin(the coal mine, oil or natural gas oil well). All the money collected is held in a fund and returned to each American citizen in the form of a monthly check. One of the major impacts of CCL efforts thus far has been the formation and significant expansion of a bipartisan Climate Solutions Caucus in the US House of Representatives. I would strongly encourage you to learn more about carbon fee and dividend and the Citizens Climate Lobby
(VISIT - CitizensClimateLobby.org)and support this work.

My primary purpose in writing this blog is to encourage you to "DO SOMETHING' and to help your clients to deal with their sense of being overwhelmed and powerless by also DOING SOMETHING. What is essential is that whatever you decide to do resonates with you personally. This heartfelt and soulful motivation coupled with being part of a collective will be what sustains us in our efforts to deal with this huge issue. If Citizens Climate lobby does not resonate with you as what you personally want to do, please support our efforts, and also take a look at the book "Drawdown" by Paul Hawken which offers a number of other "solutions". I'm sure that you will find something that connects with you. We need to utilize many approaches to confront this problem.



For More Information: Visit Citizens Climate Lobby

THERAPEUTIC PRESENCE

Did your training as a psychotherapist or counsellor emphasize the importance of being a caring therapeutic presence? Did your training discuss how to cultivate and enhance your therapeutic presence? My training certainly did not. If course theories and techniques of psychotherapy are also important. However, over 40 years of experience in private practice have taught me that cultivating and being a caring therapeutic presence is essential. Without that our theories and techniques are much less effective. It is important for us to remember that the literature on effective psychotherapy consistently has reported that when clients are asked, "What was most helpful to you?" their response is some version of: "My therapist genuinely cared about me as a person"; "My therapist was really there for me,not just using techniques."
It is not easy to find adequate words to describe therapeutic presence. A vital aspect of it is our intention to have our whole self engaged in the session as much as possible on that day with that person. It means physically being there not exhausted or distracted by other objects in the room. It means cognitively discerning what therapeutic perspective and technique will be most responsive to the needs of this person today. It means being emotionally engaged with an open heart trying to sustain an empathic compassionate connection. It means being spiritually open trying to access guidance and wisdom from our own personal Higher Self and whatever other sources of assistance that might be available.
To be that kind of caring presence for many hours each day with a wide range of clients over many years is a profound challenge. Perfection is not possible. However, there is lots of good news for those of us who are trying to be that kind of presence. First of all, brain research has indicated that taking the time before each session to have the intention to do so activates the neocortex which then aligns other parts of the brain so that the probability of deep presence occurring is enhanced. Second, brain research has also validated my experience of over 40 years of doing this work. The more you cultivate therapeutic presence the more brain patterns develop and then get strengthened over time. So gradually the capacity to be that kind of presence becomes easier to access and then you also have a deeper reservoir to draw upon.
Cultivating and accessing a caring therapeutic presence is the work of a lifetime. There are several helpful pathways for each of us to explore. Because this is a brief blog I will just mention some of them and then describe one in more detail. For a thorough elucidation of this topic I would suggest reading, "Therapeutic Presence: A Mindful Approach to Effective Therapy" by Shari Geller and Leslie Greenberg(2012). That work inspired and informed this blog, broadened my understanding particularly of the brain research,and validated my years of experience.
Our own personal psychotherapy is an essential pathway that will help us become more conscious of our personal issues that might be triggered by our clients and are reducing our effectiveness. Also being attentive to our own self-care is vital so that we are not tired from or distracted by the responsibilities of the multiple roles of our lives. Because we are often not good at taking care of ourselves I have written elsewhere(see blog and book chapter on Recharging) on what are some of the psychological blocks that you may have to good self-care. In addition we need to work on developing more compassion - particularly self-compassion - so that we can be more open-heartedly compassionate towards our clients. We may also need to cultivate being a more compassionate presence in our everyday lives. An important question for each of us to explore is: "To what extent am I more present to my clients than I am to other people in my life?" I am not saying that we should be therapists with our family and friends. Rather I am saying there are probably many brief moments in each day when we could be a more compassionate human being. Why that is important is that the brain research indicates that the more that we cultivate presence throughout our lives the stronger those brain patterns become. We then have a deeper reservoir to draw upon during sessions.
I now want to share several practices that I have incorporated into my life that have helped me to develop and deepen a more caring therapeutic presence. Five minutes before I begin my morning or afternoon's work I sit in my therapist's chair and ask my Higher Self and other sources of guidance for help in fulfilling my intention for my clients to be a source of compassion, peacefulness and strength. I follow that with meditational breathing imagining with the out breath that I am letting go of whatever might be blocking me from being present that day. For a few minutes between clients I do the same. This is a practice I have been doing for many years. It is a way of acknowledging to myself that I am consciously moving from the ego realm of ordinary life into a different level of consciousness where my therapeutic self resides. It is fascinating for me recently to learn that brain research is now validating the importance of taking the time to set my attention which then calls into alignment other brain patterns.
In my meditational practice I have developed a relationship with certain nature places that have helped deepen my capacity to be present to my clients. This was certainly not my original intention in developing that aspect of my spiritual practice. However, it has evolved in such a way that is helpful to my work. Often I sit in meditation with my back up against an old ash tree with its thick roots exposed above the ground. For me the tree symbolically represents strength, stability, rootedness. That individual tree has become a living connection to the archetypal "Tree of Life". I also have a poster of a giant redwood in my office. When I look at the poster it reminds me of my local ash tree - and my actual experience of having meditated inside a redwood tree - and connects me at that moment to my intention to be a reliable source of rooted strength for my clients.
I also sit near a local pond and meditate. For me that pond symbolically represents stillness, peacefulness, equanimity. When I sit there I am trying to cultivate those qualities in my own consciousness not only for myself,but also so that I can project - perhaps even transmit - the energy of those feeling states for the people in my life. I have a painting of a pond in my office. When I look at it before I begin my work and during sessions it connects me to my intention to be a source of peacefulness.
I am extraordinarily blessed to have a small brook that is thirty feet behind our home and flows through our property. When I stand or sit by it I ask the brook to help me more connect to the flow of life. There is so much to learn about what the Taoists refer to as "the watercourse way" that is relevant for the human journey. Increasingly, witnessing the ways of the brook have helped me to be more in the flow of a session with each particular client on that day. To be able to let go of my need to control, influence or even know what's going on in a session and simply trust the process. What a challenge for my ego! Yet the brook is a good teacher. Having spent so many hours in the presence of that old tree, the pond and the brook have helped me to cultivate those qualities of a rooted strength, peacefulness and trust in the flow of life. I am then able to offer the presence of those qualities to my clients.

Several parts of this blog have been inspired or influenced by my recent reading of: Therapeutic Presence: A Mindful Approach to Effective Therapy by Shari Geller and Leslie Greenberg.