WISEHEART; A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HIGHER SELF

Many years ago - as a way of developing a more intimate relationship with that aspect of my consciousness - I named my Higher Self. I call him Wiseheart. By giving him a name that transcendent aspect of my consciousness moved from being an abstract notion (which might have many possible labels: Higher Self, personal Higher Power, Buddha Nature, Christ Consciousness …) to something more concrete and deeply personal. The visual image I have of him is that of a bearded old man who emanates deep loving compassion and wisdom. In a corner of my office, behind the chairs where patients sit, I have placed a totem of Wiseheart - the face of a bearded old man carved from second growth redwood. On a tree across the brook that runs behind my home I have hung a similar concrete image of my old friend. Both of these iconic images are daily reminders of the ongoing presence in my life of Wiseheart.
My life and work have been deeply enriched by this relationship with Wiseheart. The purpose of this brief essay is to encourage other psychotherapists and counsellors, in whatever way works for you, to develop a more intimate relationship with your Higher Self. Hour after hour, day after day we are in the psychological field of the suffering and struggles of our clients. We are exposed to so much sadness, fear, confusion, doubt. To be a compassionate open-hearted presence wherein our minds and our hearts are fully engaged with the struggles of our clients is -if we really allow ourselves to think about it - too daunting a task for our small selves, our small hearts. By connecting to something larger within ourselves, something that has a much larger Heart capable of great compassion and love, and something that is capable of more transcendent perspectives on the issues of our patients, it is very possible to be compassionately present with them for hours without becoming overwhelmed, numb or depleted. Our Higher Self is that source within our own consciousness. The good news is that He/She is always with us. Our task is to become more aware that this aspect of our consciousness exists, to engage more fully in an ongoing intimate relationship with it and to develop ways of connecting with our Higher Self during sessions.
Five minutes before starting my early morning or late afternoon sessions I look at my carving of Wiseheart, take some meditational breaths, and ask Him for assistance. "Help me to be a vehicle of compassion, of loving kindness and the wisdom of the heart with my patients today. Help me to tap into the healing knowledge within me and from other sources of wisdom outside of myself." Then I open the door and welcome my first person.
Invariably as the daily work unfolds I am in the psychological energy field of some big sadness/fearfulness/confusion/anger that my patients are experiencing. I think that the ordinary human reaction at these moments would be to pull back or shut down -probably without conscious awareness -our hearts as a way of protecting ourselves from being overwhelmed by the bigness of the feelings. What I have learned to do as soon as I become aware that my patient is experiencing one of these big emotional states is to look over at Wiseheart and start doing some meditational breathing. With the in-breath I imagine that I am connecting to this Big Heart, that aspect of my Higher Self that is easily able to be present in a deeply compassionate way. I also imagine that I am accessing wisdom perspectives that transcend ordinary consciousness. With the out-breath I imagine that I am letting go of any anxiety about being overwhelmed, that I am releasing any of my patient's big feelings that may have entered the psychological; energy field of my personal consciousness.
I continue to be grateful for and awed by how doing this enables me to be present in an open-hearted loving way in the face of huge patient feelings. For hours. And not feel emotionally drained, numb or detached. Having done this way of connecting to Wiseheart for many years I never cease to be amazed by His capacity to be deeply compassionate in the presence of some horrific stories and to be a source of what some ancient sages referred to as "the peace that underlies all things."
As I end this essay I again want to encourage psychotherapists and counsellors to develop some daily practice of connecting to your personal Higher Self.Before I begin my contemplative walks in local nature settings I say to myself that one of my intentions is to use this time to deepen my connection to Wiseheart. After my meditations I pray that I become more open and receptive to Wiseheart,s love and guidance. I am profoundly grateful that He provides me with loving companionship and wise guidance both in my everyday life and in my work as a psychotherapist. I hope that your Higher Self does the same for you.


This blog entry is based on work in the Small Heart,Big Heart chapter of "Working From the Heart: A Psychotherapist's Guide to Heart-Centered Psychotherapy"

Accessing Our Big Hearts

    Once our work day begins we are in the psychological field of whatever each patient brings to us that day. Sometimes what they bring feels enormous and overwhelming: profound sadness or despair, terror or unrelenting anxiety, tremendous rage, or, a huge void. When our patients experience these big feeling states, there is a palpable shift in the energy in the room. In the presence of these states it is understandable that our first response, often unconscious, is to constrict our emotional hearts as a way of protecting ourselves from being overwhelmed.

   On some days there is something occurring in our own lives that makes it very difficult for us to be compassionately present. We are feeling miserable because we have a heavy chest cold or did not sleep well. We're worried about how we are going to pay that huge doctor's bill or this month's rent. We had a big argument with our spouse or partner or adolescent daughter this morning.

   Under these circumstances we may wonder how are we going to get through this evening's work and be present to our patients. In these moments it is important to remember that we all have Big Hearts that are able to transcend the limitations of the small hearts of our ordinary consciousness. How we understand the source of this Big Heart will depend on our cosmology. Yet we all know about the existence of these aspects of our consciousness from personal experience. We all have these periodic moments when we transcend our ordinary love and feel a much larger love for our spouse/partner, for our child, for a dear friend, for a particular place, for a beloved animal, for ..... These are Big Heart moments.  From my perspective my Big Heart is an aspect of my Higher Self. Someone else might postulate that this larger love emanates from their personal Higher Power or Buddha Nature or Christ Consciousness or .....  

The important pragmatic question is how do we access his Big Heart during psychotherapy or counseling sessions? I think that it is very helpful to have some image of this larger heart that uniquely fits for us. Many years ago my wife, Jeanne, gave me a piece of California redwood that had been carved into the wizened face of a bearded old man. I keep this carving in my office in a corner behind my patient's chair as an iconic image of my old friend Wiseheart, my name for my personal Higher Self. I think of Wiseheart as the Big Heart aspect of my consciousness. he is also the container of the enlarged compassion that has developed through my life experiences and the conduit for other sources of deep compassion and wisdom that are available to me through the collective unconscious. I encourage my patients and supervisees to develop their own personal image of their Big Heart. Until that emerges I suggest that they imagine a larger emotional heart that is located near their physical heart.  

   About five or ten minutes before the beginning of my first session, I use a small wooden hammer to tap an antique Chinese bell that sits on the floor inside my office door. This tapping ritual is a symbolic reminder that my intention is to enter a psychological space that is different from the concerns of my everyday life. Then I look at the carving of Wiseheart, imagining that I am connecting to my Big Heart and then I do some meditational breathing. Then I open the door to welcome my first patient.

   During sessions whenever I begin to feel overwhelmed by the bigness of the feeling states that my patient is experiencing or I start to feel myself becoming emotionally distant I again look at the carving of Wiseheart and do the meditational breathing. At these moments I feel that with the in breath I am connecting to my Big Heart and with the out breath I am releasing the energetic vibrations of my patient's large feelings. Then they do not penetrate the field of my consciousness. I can continue to be a compassionate presence for that person and the next and the next. At the end of a morning/evening of work I do not feel depleted.

   I encourage you to adapt these notions about our Big Hearts to your individual cosmology and ways of working.

   These ideas are described more fully in the Small Heart, Big Heart chapter of my book Working From the Heart, A Therapist's Guide to Heart-Centered Psychotherapy    

      

RECHARGING

   Each day as therapists and counselors we are in the psychological energy field of so much suffering and struggle. In one morning or evening of work some patients will be depressed,anxious,grieving, angst-ridden,doubtful,despairing or enraged. Or a combination of those feelings. Our office reverberates  with the energy of those feeling states,day after day,week after week, month after month for years.

   Each of our patients needs us to be a compassionate listener, a source of loving kindness, and a carrier of hope. How do we sustain that level of presence and not become exhausted, emotionally distant or numb? How can we be in the psychological energy field of that amount of suffering and then go home and be emotionally available to our spouses, partners and children? This is one of the greatest personal  challenges of doing this lifework.

   I call the process of replenishing the energy supplies of our emotional,physical and psychospiritual batteries recharging. I have developed ways of recharging myself both outside of and during sessions that I would like to pass on. Before I discuss these it is important that I ask you to consider this question: why are psychotherapists and counselors so good at taking care of others and not good at taking care of themselves? 

   It is important that each of us explore that question in depth in our individual psychotherapy. From my own personal experience, and of working with psychotherapists whom I've had as patients, the answers were found in exploring how the role that I played in my family contributed to my choosing this lifework. As a child being the emotional caretaker of my mother was a reliable source of love and special status with her. That led me to unconsciously take on the role of emotional caretaker of others as a primary source of approval and love from others and self-esteem from myself. In my own psychotherapy I discovered that my struggles in taking care of myself were connected to an unconscious fear that others would no longer love me if I took time away from them to take care of me. That fear made me anxious about and resistant to doing things for myself. I would encourage you to learn what are the psychological roots of your difficulty in taking care of yourself.

   I have found two primary pathways of taking care of ourselves outside of sessions. the first is to take regular solitary time- at least a few hours each week - away from everyone, to do something that is nourishing for you. For me that involves taking a contemplative walk in some local nature setting at least once a week. For other therapists and counselors that I know that solitary time is by riding a motorcycle, horseback riding,spending time in the garden or in an art studio. The essential aspects are that the captivity feels replenishing and that it occurs in some place where no one can access you. Because the nature of our personalities tends to be that when we are with other people we think of their needs before our own it is critical to have regular time when we take care of only ourselves. the second pathway is to regularly spend playful time with playmates. Playmates are people with whom we share a passion and who have no psychological need for us to take care of them. I have friends with whom I share my passions for jazz and college basketball. other therapists that I know are in community theatre. have a weekly poker game, play music or sing with others.

   It is also possible to recharge ourselves during sessions. Within the limitations of this brief blog I will describe effective ways of doing this that I have evolved. Whenever I am with a very fearful patient I spend a few moments looking at a Taoist painting behind the patient's chair. It depicts a man sitting in a small boat in a tranquil lake and to me it symbolizes serenity. It reminds me of solitary time that I've spent by a local pond. As I glance at the painting I take a few meditational breaths - imagining with the out breath that I am releasing any fearful energy from my patient that might have entered my field of consciousness. When I am with a patient who is deeply grieving I look at a wood carving behind the patients chair again with some meditational breathing imagine myself releasing any sadness from my patient that may have entered my field of consciousness. This redwood carving is of the head of a bearded old man - it is my image of Wiseheart, my Higher Self whose Big Heart is capable of much more compassion than my ordinary small heart. When I am feeling depleted or overwhelmed by what a patient is describing I look at a large poster in a corner of my office. It is of a giant redwood - to me a symbol of great strength and stamina. I recall what it felt like to walk underneath those giants and to walk among the big trees near my home. With the in breath I take in that feeling of strength and with the out breath I let go of feelings of depletion.

   Having done this kind of recharging for years I am pleased to report how effective it has been in helping me to sustain a sense of open-hearted compassionate presence for hour after hour and not feel the need to become distant in order to protect myself from the cumulative effect of the enormity of feelings that we are present to in this work. Hopefully this will help you to find something similar that will work for you.

   This entry is based on the Recharging chapter in Working From the Heart: A Therapist's Guide to Heart-Centered Psychotherapy